Monday Morning Butterflies - Ugh!

I used to always be able to tell if I was in a "good job" or a "bad job" by how sick I felt on the drive to work Monday morning. The problem was, I never felt like I had a lot of options to turn things around. Now I'm in a "good job", but I still get butterflies sometimes, and I've realized that they can mean a lot of different things - but they still don't feel very good. Regardless of your situation at work, it's important to pay attention to those butterflies - because you do have options to turn things around.

The first step is to pay attention. Most people try to get rid of the nervousness by pushing it down or ignoring it. But that takes energy, and while you are busy holding yourself together, what other people see is whatever you display when you are uptight: maybe you come accross as short, snappy, rude, grumpy, sulky, insecure, sensitive, quiet, or pre-occupied. Your "anxious" behavior may be different from others based on your personality, but the one thing all these behaviors have in common is that they aren't warm, attractive, or engaging, and the result is you may be inadvertently putting other people off as soon as you walk in the door. That usually sets additional negative "stuff" in motion, that may even add to your anxiety later.

Instead of ignoring, or even tolerating your butterflies, PAY ATTENTION to them, and ask yourself this question: "What is this about?" Once you have a handle on the source, there are many strategies for turning things around.

You may not have a good answer. Here are some common situations that often cause morning butterflies:

1. You may have dropped some balls in your overwhelm last week, and you are worried someone will be upset with you, or that you've missed something important.

2. The people on your team always seem to have some drama going on that they want you to handle - you have no idea what kind of an ambush might be waiting for you as you walk in.

3. You have a big presentation, negotation or meeting, and you have to perform. You either aren't prepared, or you are as prepared as you can be, but a little jittery about what's at stake. By the way, the most charismatic and experienced speakers usually report "pre-stage" jitters, and many say it's a good thing because that adrenaline keeps you alert and focused for your start.

4. You hate this job, everything about it, you don't know how you are going to make it through the day - and as you drive in you feel a quiet despair as the week looms in front of you.

5. There's someone at work you don't want to face.

These are only five examples of what situation could be behind the butterflies, but you want to get as specific as you can. A great way to "test" if you've pinpointed the right source is to ask yourself the question: "If this situation were its opposite, or didn't exist, how would I feel?" If reversing the situation makes a difference, you've nailed it. If not, there's more. Don't underestimate the power of pinpointing the source of your anxiety - just that in itself gives you more control, and usually more calm.

Once you know the source of your anxiety, there are two parts to deal with: the mental part and the physiological part. Although your thoughts come first, they are harder to change, so sometimes it's easier to start with the physiological part. Here are some things that have worked for me and others I know:

1. Deep breaths - three of them: inhale as long and slow as you can and exhale through your mouth.

2. Do something physical to get those endorphins going - exercise in the morning, run, walk, or even jump or jog in place for ten minutes.

3. Start your morning with a relaxation routine: Stretch, do yoga, meditate, etc.

4. Laugh. Laughter releases endorphins. Listen to comedy or a funny talk show on the way to work, or carpool with your most hilarious co-worker.

5. I knew one person who took rolaids before giving speeches, and said it did a pretty good job of calming down the stomach. I can't endorse this one because I don't know if it's heathy, but it did seem to work.

There are quite a few things you can do on the mental side of the house as well, as soon as you've identified the source of your anxiety:

1. Decide how much control you have of the situation: do you have complete control, some influence, or do you only have control of your response? A lot of anxiety comes from trying to manipulate the outcome of things we really can't control. Once you acknowledge where your responsibility ends, it's easier to let go and relax.

2. Handle overwhelm at work by reserving time to get organized. Ever notice that when you come in on the weekend to clean your desk, Monday feels completely different? Instead of taking time out of your weekend, you may want to reserve the first half of Monday for quiet un-interrupted planning time. One thing I do is reserve Monday as my administrative and paperwork day instead of the more common practice of doing it on Friday. That way I know I'm coming into a quiet day and will be well-prepared for appointments starting on Tuesday.

3. Set boundaries with employees and other anxiety-causing co-workers by blocking out portions of your day as unavailable time. You can pretend you are in a meeting if you need to. The important thing is that you always know you'll have those particiular sanctuaries of time to regroup when things get hectic.

4. Deal honestly with people at work. When you haven't delivered on something, made a mistake, or are otherwise not resolved with someone, take the initiative to have a conversation, or at least send an e-mail to let them know. You'd be surprised how forgiving people can be in the face of a sincere apology.

5. If you are in despair, because this is not the place for you, acknowledge that you may not be able to make a change right away, but promise to take one step. One thing I specialize in is helping people figure out how to find and get work that feels fulfilling and enjoyable, while also bringing in a decent income. That first step could simply be a phone call - (949) 495-1021. Or, I offer a workshop called Discover Work You Love, and I'd love to see you there. (if you don't live in Southern California, it's still possible to take this course by phone and e-mail). Just knowing you are taking a step can make the time bearable - because you've just turned on a light at the end of your tunnel.

Another workshop I am offering next week is called from Overwhelm to Focus, and it walks you through the process of pinpointing the key sources of stress in your work environment, and developing a strategy you can implement immediately to turn things around. (also easy to do remotely)

Sometimes it seems like those butterflies are uncontrollable, but you can make a big difference by paying attention to what is causing them and making a few changes in how you approach work. Imagine, looking forward to Monday!

copyright 2006 Nahid Casazza and Aspyrre www.aspyrre.com