Are you Giving Away your Power?

Tax season is one of those interesting times when it’s easy to get into “victim thinking” about money. You are faced with how much you made the prior year, and how much you owe the government. If you are happy with what you made, it’s easy to resent the government for how much you owe. If you don’t owe anything, you probably aren’t earning as much as you want. I noticed myself feeling all sorts of grumpy thoughts as I went through my taxes this year, but luckily I caught myself and noticed that I could just as easily have very positive thoughts related to any tax experience. If I am happy with my income and I owe a lot, I can acknowledge the power I have in earning more than I need, and if I had a tough year but don’t owe taxes, I can be filled with gratitude at the break I get when I need it.

This isn’t just about coming up with positive thoughts so you can have a better attitude. It’s about the impact your thoughts have on your ability to create what you want in this world. When I think that I work so hard just to have the government take everything, I feel drained, angry, and not particularly motivated to continue to work hard. When I think about how cool it is to own my own business and earn whatever I want, I feel powerful and motivated to create more good things for myself and others. How will I behave differently based on these different thinking patterns and feelings? And what are the likely outcomes?

Most of us don’t even realize when we’ve slipped into victim thinking. It wouldn’t be so bad if it just caused us to wallow in anger and self-pity for a few hours. The problem is, victim thinking becomes a habit. Like a drug, it decreases our ability to be effective and impairs our judgment at the same time. It may even be soothing to feel mad, or resentful, or self-righteous, and without realizing it, we get lulled into powerlessness.

How do you know if you are giving away your power? Here is a short sample of some common self-limiting thought patterns. When you notice yourself falling into one of these thinking patterns, you can begin to reverse the effects by simply asking yourself: “By thinking this way, am I giving my power away?”

1. I can’t afford it
Usually the phrase “I can’t afford it” is an easy way to justify a choice not to purchase something. Unfortunately, if you say it enough, you begin to believe that you don’t have the power to make buying decisions. It is much more empowering to say “This is not an investment I’m willing to make right now”, and if you need an excuse you can add: “I’m saving for something really important”.

2. It’s not fair
There’s a good chance you don’t use this exact phrase anymore, but if you notice yourself wondering why a certain person seems to get more back (has an easier life, makes more money, gets all the girls) when you put more out (have a better education, work harder, work out more), you are essentially claiming that life is not fair, and you’ve got the short end of the stick. Negative self-comparison (noticing people who have it better than you) is one of three main thought patterns that lead to depression. If you look, you might notice that you can find just as many people in the world who have it worse than you. When you replace “It’s not fair” with “I’m so lucky”, it’s amazing how fast your energy level increases.

3. I don’t have time
Everyone has the same amount of time, and everyone chooses what to do with their time. We tend to use “I don’t have time” as an excuse to avoid things we don’t want to do. When you don’t have time to do the things you really want to do for yourself, it’s usually because you are filling your time with things other people have asked you to do, and you haven’t found a way to say no. Here’s a link to an article I wrote – “How to Say No with Class” – it might help you take your time back.

4. They aren’t doing what they should be doing (It’s not my job)
Usually this means you have decided that “management” or some other group or person has the power to run some aspect of your life. If it bugs you, and you don’t take an honest look at what you can do to influence the situation, you’ve given your power away. Ask yourself, “What part of this situation can I control or influence?” Then, “Do I want to do what it will take to exert that control or influence?” It’s much more honest and powerful to say, “I don’t like the way management runs this company, and I don’t have the energy or interest to lobby for change. I also don’t have the energy to look for a different job right now, so I am not going to do anything about it”

Claiming your power in any situation makes a huge difference in your ability to turn your situation around. This doesn’t mean blaming yourself for the negative things that happen to you, but it does mean taking responsibility for how you respond and the choices you make.

I actually believed that I never thought like a victim, so my little tax tantrum was a wake-up call. We all slip into self-defeating patterns sometimes. I don’t think the goal is to completely eliminate them. But it’s good to develop a strong level of self-awareness, so that you don’t give away your power when you most need it.