How Important is the Truth, Really?

This is a scary topic for me to write about for two reasons: one, I don’t know the answer, and two, it messes with my strongest values. I was always taught that honesty and integrity are the most important guiding principles of life. When I was a teenager, I lied to my parents point blank one time, and cried afterwards for two hours because it felt so horrible. Now I read books that say all teenagers lie to their parents and I think, “Geez, what was wrong with me?” But that’s a different story.

This story is about success, and what it takes to become successful, given a definition of success that includes building a life around your core values.

It starts with one of the most powerful tools that I use with clients - a perspective-shifting tool that helps people move very quickly from being upset and angry about a situation to becoming positive or at least emotionally neutral. In their new emotional state, they handle the situation much more effectively and get better results. It’s amazing how much more powerful a person can be once they shift what they believe “the truth” about a situation is. I often speak about it in presentations and workshops, and I hear myself saying over and over again, “In fact, it doesn’t even matter what the real truth is – you could pick the truth that works best for you and operate from that perspective, and when you do, the principle of self-fulfilling prophecy kicks in, and you influence events to reflect the truth you chose.”

But in the back of my mind a question has been sitting for a very long time – just wondering how important the truth really is, and if my coaching tool works better without a real truth, what else in the world works better that way?

Today I got another example.

My eleven year old daughter is nervous about an upcoming dive meet. It’s an important event, in that the top six places move up to nationals, and she made it last year. But her chances this year are not good. The competition is tough, the dives are harder, and the way the scoring works puts her at a disadvantage. I don’t want my child to be stressed about this. I’ve been having conversations with her designed to take the pressure off, focusing on the fun we’ll have on the trip, and how no matter what the outcome is, we’ll find something to celebrate. But she has still been nervous.

Today, when I picked her up from practice, she said, “Dave said if I dive at the meet like I dove today, I will definitely make nationals.” And then she said, “I’m not nervous anymore – I’m actually kind of excited. I mean I’m a little nervous, but when I get into the water it all goes away.” And what I saw, for the first time, was confidence – the kind of confidence and belief in herself that will make this meet fun for her, no matter how she places. The kind of confidence and belief in herself that might even inspire her to perform better than she ever has before.

My daughter’s coach gave her a powerful gift. It wasn’t about truth or facts or mathematical probability; it was about belief. It was about faith and hope and confidence and belief in what’s possible. And it transformed everything.

I see this all the time with people in job transition, with people starting businesses, with people in professional organizations. It’s not the smartest, the most qualified, the hardest workers, or even the most charismatic that make things happen. The people who make things happen are the ones who believe they can make something happen. NOT just intellectually. There are many people who believe intellectually that they are capable of making something happen, or that something should be able to work conceptually. That’s not the kind of belief I’m talking about. I’m talking about an emotional belief: a confidence – the kind that helps you let go of that nervousness, the self-doubt, the pressure, the worry, the “what if’s”, and immerse yourself in confident, focused, and therapeutic action.

So, as I continue my own personal journey – still very much attached to the values of honesty, integrity, and searching for my “truth”, I sometimes wonder if I’m asking the wrong questions. Is it really my truth I should be searching for, or is it something else?

Would love to hear your thoughts…