Should I stay or should I go?
How do you know if it's time to move on? I don't think it's ever an easy decision. Even when you know you are making the right decision, it's still VERY hard to make a change, and I meet people every day who know they should move on, but don't.
In fact, we dug up some statistics a few years ago for a workshop I offer: "Discover Work you Love", and found that something like 70% of all employees are not happy with their jobs. That's a big number! If they aren't happy why don't they leave?
Surprisingly, one reason is loyalty. Sometimes you think you are doing a company a favor by staying - but if you aren't happy it probably shows, either in your performance or your attitude. If they also sense it's not a good fit, they may be praying for the day you decide to move on. Because they need a good legal reason to make the decision for you.
Integrity - this is another version of loyalty. It's not practical to quit before looking for your next job, but it feels like you are living a lie if you act involved and committed by day and secretly hunt for new opportunities by night. I'm big on integrity, so I understand this bind fully. But unfortunately the relationship you have with your company is not exactly like other relationships: friends and family don't usually dump you when it no longer makes financial sense to keep you; organizations must in order to survive.
Another reason is fear. What if no one else will pay me as much? With a mortgage, car payment, and lifestyle to worry about it doesn't feel worth the risk. Sometimes, even in the face of statistics and factual information that prove otherwise, people are convinced that no one else will hire them. And they are simply too scared to find out. So they make up all sorts of excuses to hide that fear even from themselves. One of the big excuses, by the way, is loyalty.
Not having the energy to make a change. I think this is a good reason to wait, as long as you can be honest about it. If you are in a challenging work environment all your energy during the day is devoted to surviving. By the time you get home, there's no energy left to think about making a change, much less do anything about it. At other times, what you have to tolerate at work doesn't seem "that bad" compared to what you would have to tolerate looking for a new job. If you are committed but drained, you might want to take a vacation and use the first half to sleep and the second half to come up with a strategy. Change is tough - it takes a lot of energy even if it's a good change, so you have to be ready, refreshed, and committed. Otherwise it's really not worth getting started. If you want to read more about the cycles of change, here's an overview.
Speaking of getting started, the first step is having a conversation with somebody - often your boss. But if that conversation goes in the wrong direction, you may end up in a worse situation. So many people tolerate negative situations that can be changed because they are too scared to bring their problems to anyone's attention.
If you think it's time for a change, but are finding it hard to get started, how do you get help taking the first step?
Well first I have to plug myself, because this is the best time to hire a coach. You need someone outside the organization and outside of your circle of family and friends who can be completely objective in helping you think through the issues, and who wont be affected at all by your decision. If you'd like an overview of how I work with job transition clients click here.
With or without a coach, here are the first steps you can take to get moving:
Step One: Get an objective person to have decision making conversations with. This is so you can think and talk through the issues without putting yourself at risk. And it can't be a family member or anyone who is invested in the current relationship they have with you. You might not think a good friend will be biased, but if you change at all, it will change your relationship with that friend, and everyone resists change, whether they want to admit it or not.
Step Two: Build a support system. When I decided to leave my last job and start my own company, I started a "success team" to give me the courage to do it. This is a group of people who all have a goal or change they want to make, and they meet to support each other through the transition. It's very powerful. I have run teams like this at Aspyrre, but you can also build your own. Find 4-12 friends or associates who have dreams they haven't acted on and just need a little nudge of support to move forward. Meet at least once per month: talk about what you want to accomplish, what your next steps are, what you need to move forward, and hold each other accountable to small forward-moving actions.
Step Three: Re-assess what's important to you. If you are going to make a change, you might as well make it a good one. It only takes a few days to re-assess your strengths, weaknesses, values, and purpose in life. A couple of good books that walk you through the process are: What Color is Your Parachute? by Richard Bolles, and Wishcraft, by Barbara Sher. You'll be much happier in your next position if it feels meaningful. But don't make the mistake of thinking you have to "find your true passion" before taking the next step. Your purpose can be reflected in almost anything you do, and if you can't get excited about anything, you might need a big break. It's ok to step into an easy non-draining position for a few years - you don't always have to move "up".
Step Four: Get lots of information. There are so many opportunities out there that people never find because they look for a job the "traditional way". Have conversations with people in positions you've never heard of, learn about the companies near where you live, find out where your neighbors work. If you've wanted to go out on your own, talk to people who have done it. This doesn't have to take a lot of time, but if you can devote a few weeks to having exploratory conversations, you'll end up with new ideas and opportunities you would have otherwise missed.
Step Five: Once you've gone through the thinking and information gathering, it's usually much easier to get excited about creating a plan and taking action. From here on in it's all about marketing yourself - which is a whole new article for some other time.
It's really not that hard though. And the big question you need to ask yourself is this:
Am I willing to go to work every day for the next ten years feeling the way I feel today when I'm at work?
You don't get to say "No, but, it wont be ten years..." Because I tell you what, ten years will fly by, and unless something accidentally hits you in the face, chances are you'll still be avoiding whatever you're avoiding now.
Thinking about it honestly now doesn't mean you have to take action now. But if you go through the thinking and information gathering part now, then when you are ready to take action, it will be easy.
copyright 2006 Nahid Casazza and Aspyrre www.aspyrre.com
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Selfish or Selfless - What Works at Work?
We're taught to give of ourselves, go above and beyond the call of duty, provide top notch customer-service, and sacrifice to help others. We're also taught that business is a dog-eat-dog world, if we don't look out for ourselves nobody else will, and being assertive, showing intiaitive, and going after wins gets us noticed.
It's kind of a mixed message, and it messes with our value system. So, often I get asked where to draw the line? When do you commit to whatever it takes to deliver top notch results, and when do you say no to requests and take time off?
The concept I learned in coaching school that had the biggest impact on me personally was the idea of "getting your needs met". The best analogy I can think of to describe it, and one I use often with clients, is the safety drill they put you through as you are about to travel on an airplane.
I ask, "When the air masks come down, and you are with and responsible for a small child, what are you supposed to do, and why?" Most people can recite almost from memory, "Put your own mask on first before helping the child," and they also instinctively "get" why: if you try to put the child's mask on first, you are quickly losing oxygen yourself, which means you'll stop thinking clearly and pass out, which makes you no good to the child and actually creates a bigger problem for everyone around you.
Putting your own mask on first seems "selfish", especially if the small child who needs you is suffering. But if you are "selfless" and don't take care of your own need for air first, you actually hurt the child, and make yourself a burden for others.
This concept works in business too. If you are overloaded with work and stressed out - you need rest, clarity, focus, and relief! Let's say the boss (or a customer) comes to you with another request. The selfless side of you can't see a way to say no. How do you say no to your boss? How do you say no to a customer? So even though you can't imagine where you will find the time or energy, you agree to the task. Almost immediately you feel resentful and unappreciated, especially as you watch them happily take off for the evening to have fun.
When you feel tired, resentful, and unappreciated - you have unmet needs, and just like when you don't have enough air, you cease to be effective. It's hard not to feel angry or jealous when you notice that others don't seem as exhausted as you, or when others seem to be getting more appreciation than you. You may think you are controlling your emotions, but if you feel resentful, it's almost impossible to avoid a sarcastic or sulky edge to your voice. If you are tired and overworked, the likelihood that you will make mistakes is increased, and you can't be as creative in your work as you normally would.
You may think your boss should "give you a break" (if you have one), or that your customers should "be more appreciative" of all you do for them. But if you place responsibility for getting your needs met on others, you become the child. Except you aren't a child, and that means you are taking a big gamble. Adults expect other adults to take care of themselves. If you stood on the plane looking around bewildered and not putting on your mask, you might get lucky, and some "with-it" passenger near you, or the flight attendent, might take it upon themselves to rescue you. Or, they simply might be too caught up in everything else going on to notice.
And that's usually what happens. Other people may be willing to help you, but they don't put extra energy into monitoring you because they expect that if you have a problem you will request help. Your boss has a huge "to do" list and may not be aware of how long yours is because you haven't showed him recently. Your customers don't really know how many other customers you have. Most customers envision themselves as your only customer - at least the only important one.
When I ask people for help, I count on them to tell me if they can do it or not. If they say yes, but then they change their minds later, complain later about doing it, or otherwise send me mixed messages, I realize that I can't trust them to tell me the truth about what they are and are not willing to do. This makes my life much more difficult. When I ask them for something I never know if they are saying yes because they really want to do it, or becuase they think they "have to" to make me happy. When they offer to help me, I never know how genuine the offer is. Do they really want to help, or do they just want to be considered a "selfless person"? So that creates more of a burden for me - do I agree to the offer, or do I politely decline because they really just want the brownie points for offering, but they don't really want to do it?
People who don't take responsibility for their needs and act "selfless" because they think they should, really aren't doing anyone any favors. They actually come accross more often as draining and manipulative than truly helpful.
So, does this mean be selfish? Well, I had a client yesterday that created a new word: "self-full" She said, "I really don't want to be selfish or selfless, I want to be self-full". I think she got it absolutely on the nose.
People who get their needs met are actually "self-full". Because their needs are met, they are actually more generous and capable of providing quite a bit value to others. Because they know when to say no and take care of themselves, others can trust them to say no when they really can't help, and are much more willing to ask for help when they need it.
At work this translates into the person who gets enough rest, knows how to say no with class, delegates often, and gives herself the time she needs to think strategically and make a big impact with the few projects she commits herself to. She is relaxed, focused, and productive at work. If you interrupt her, she often has time for you, because her schedule is under control. However, if she doesn't have time, she graciously lets you know - and when you leave her office you don't feel guilty.
Selfish, selfless, self-full? Start getting your needs met, and then decide for yourself!
copyright 2006 Nahid Casazza and Aspyrre http://www.aspyrre.com/
We're taught to give of ourselves, go above and beyond the call of duty, provide top notch customer-service, and sacrifice to help others. We're also taught that business is a dog-eat-dog world, if we don't look out for ourselves nobody else will, and being assertive, showing intiaitive, and going after wins gets us noticed.
It's kind of a mixed message, and it messes with our value system. So, often I get asked where to draw the line? When do you commit to whatever it takes to deliver top notch results, and when do you say no to requests and take time off?
The concept I learned in coaching school that had the biggest impact on me personally was the idea of "getting your needs met". The best analogy I can think of to describe it, and one I use often with clients, is the safety drill they put you through as you are about to travel on an airplane.
I ask, "When the air masks come down, and you are with and responsible for a small child, what are you supposed to do, and why?" Most people can recite almost from memory, "Put your own mask on first before helping the child," and they also instinctively "get" why: if you try to put the child's mask on first, you are quickly losing oxygen yourself, which means you'll stop thinking clearly and pass out, which makes you no good to the child and actually creates a bigger problem for everyone around you.
Putting your own mask on first seems "selfish", especially if the small child who needs you is suffering. But if you are "selfless" and don't take care of your own need for air first, you actually hurt the child, and make yourself a burden for others.
This concept works in business too. If you are overloaded with work and stressed out - you need rest, clarity, focus, and relief! Let's say the boss (or a customer) comes to you with another request. The selfless side of you can't see a way to say no. How do you say no to your boss? How do you say no to a customer? So even though you can't imagine where you will find the time or energy, you agree to the task. Almost immediately you feel resentful and unappreciated, especially as you watch them happily take off for the evening to have fun.
When you feel tired, resentful, and unappreciated - you have unmet needs, and just like when you don't have enough air, you cease to be effective. It's hard not to feel angry or jealous when you notice that others don't seem as exhausted as you, or when others seem to be getting more appreciation than you. You may think you are controlling your emotions, but if you feel resentful, it's almost impossible to avoid a sarcastic or sulky edge to your voice. If you are tired and overworked, the likelihood that you will make mistakes is increased, and you can't be as creative in your work as you normally would.
You may think your boss should "give you a break" (if you have one), or that your customers should "be more appreciative" of all you do for them. But if you place responsibility for getting your needs met on others, you become the child. Except you aren't a child, and that means you are taking a big gamble. Adults expect other adults to take care of themselves. If you stood on the plane looking around bewildered and not putting on your mask, you might get lucky, and some "with-it" passenger near you, or the flight attendent, might take it upon themselves to rescue you. Or, they simply might be too caught up in everything else going on to notice.
And that's usually what happens. Other people may be willing to help you, but they don't put extra energy into monitoring you because they expect that if you have a problem you will request help. Your boss has a huge "to do" list and may not be aware of how long yours is because you haven't showed him recently. Your customers don't really know how many other customers you have. Most customers envision themselves as your only customer - at least the only important one.
When I ask people for help, I count on them to tell me if they can do it or not. If they say yes, but then they change their minds later, complain later about doing it, or otherwise send me mixed messages, I realize that I can't trust them to tell me the truth about what they are and are not willing to do. This makes my life much more difficult. When I ask them for something I never know if they are saying yes because they really want to do it, or becuase they think they "have to" to make me happy. When they offer to help me, I never know how genuine the offer is. Do they really want to help, or do they just want to be considered a "selfless person"? So that creates more of a burden for me - do I agree to the offer, or do I politely decline because they really just want the brownie points for offering, but they don't really want to do it?
People who don't take responsibility for their needs and act "selfless" because they think they should, really aren't doing anyone any favors. They actually come accross more often as draining and manipulative than truly helpful.
So, does this mean be selfish? Well, I had a client yesterday that created a new word: "self-full" She said, "I really don't want to be selfish or selfless, I want to be self-full". I think she got it absolutely on the nose.
People who get their needs met are actually "self-full". Because their needs are met, they are actually more generous and capable of providing quite a bit value to others. Because they know when to say no and take care of themselves, others can trust them to say no when they really can't help, and are much more willing to ask for help when they need it.
At work this translates into the person who gets enough rest, knows how to say no with class, delegates often, and gives herself the time she needs to think strategically and make a big impact with the few projects she commits herself to. She is relaxed, focused, and productive at work. If you interrupt her, she often has time for you, because her schedule is under control. However, if she doesn't have time, she graciously lets you know - and when you leave her office you don't feel guilty.
Selfish, selfless, self-full? Start getting your needs met, and then decide for yourself!
copyright 2006 Nahid Casazza and Aspyrre http://www.aspyrre.com/
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Ideas - a Business Owner's Narcotic?
I was starting to write an article on the sources of stress in business, when I got to "unfiltered ideas", and my mind started racing. I kept thinking of all the stressed out people I know. Some of them have a new great idea every day and feel compelled to do something so they don't lose it. They rush around every day, yet don't feel like they are making any progress. Then there are the key staff members of visionary leaders - the ones with too many visions and no willingness to prioritize. They work really hard trying to make things happen by an unrealistic deadline, and when they return with the results they are dumbfounded to find that Mr. Boss is off in a completely new direction and has simply forgotten to mention it.
Then we have what I call the "prestigious consultants". These are the advice-givers who pad their own ego by sharing their great ideas for fixing the world and everyone in it. Of course the implementation part of it is not their concern - it should be easy!
And the over-achievers who torture themselves by counting all the ideas they failed to bring an idea to life and minimizing the ones they have.
As I wrote my new article "Can great ideas be bad for business?" I began to worry that it might be a little controversial. I mean, how can you knock ideas? They are the very foundation of innovation, and what is America about if not the freedom to make your ideas come to life!
But still - ideas do have an uncanny resemblence to drugs. Ideas FEEL SO GOOD. Brainstorming sessions are some of the most intoxicating conversations in business. And when you over-indulge, all sorts of bad things happen. Mainly - people get stressed out because they can't make them all happen and still have a life.
I think the biggest problem is thinking that ideas are too valuable to let go of. Like if we allow ourselves to forget about them they are gone forever. Sometimes the whole purpose of an idea is to spawn other ideas. Or to help us get clear about what we don't want. I don't believe ideas are ever completely gone anyway. If they are good, they find ways to regenerate themselves.
In this case the idea (or fear) that my article might be controversial spawned the decision to finally start my own blog. And this makes it possible to start more conversations and generate more ideas... ok - so maybe they are more like candy than drugs....
I was starting to write an article on the sources of stress in business, when I got to "unfiltered ideas", and my mind started racing. I kept thinking of all the stressed out people I know. Some of them have a new great idea every day and feel compelled to do something so they don't lose it. They rush around every day, yet don't feel like they are making any progress. Then there are the key staff members of visionary leaders - the ones with too many visions and no willingness to prioritize. They work really hard trying to make things happen by an unrealistic deadline, and when they return with the results they are dumbfounded to find that Mr. Boss is off in a completely new direction and has simply forgotten to mention it.
Then we have what I call the "prestigious consultants". These are the advice-givers who pad their own ego by sharing their great ideas for fixing the world and everyone in it. Of course the implementation part of it is not their concern - it should be easy!
And the over-achievers who torture themselves by counting all the ideas they failed to bring an idea to life and minimizing the ones they have.
As I wrote my new article "Can great ideas be bad for business?" I began to worry that it might be a little controversial. I mean, how can you knock ideas? They are the very foundation of innovation, and what is America about if not the freedom to make your ideas come to life!
But still - ideas do have an uncanny resemblence to drugs. Ideas FEEL SO GOOD. Brainstorming sessions are some of the most intoxicating conversations in business. And when you over-indulge, all sorts of bad things happen. Mainly - people get stressed out because they can't make them all happen and still have a life.
I think the biggest problem is thinking that ideas are too valuable to let go of. Like if we allow ourselves to forget about them they are gone forever. Sometimes the whole purpose of an idea is to spawn other ideas. Or to help us get clear about what we don't want. I don't believe ideas are ever completely gone anyway. If they are good, they find ways to regenerate themselves.
In this case the idea (or fear) that my article might be controversial spawned the decision to finally start my own blog. And this makes it possible to start more conversations and generate more ideas... ok - so maybe they are more like candy than drugs....
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