Should I stay or should I go?

How do you know if it's time to move on? I don't think it's ever an easy decision. Even when you know you are making the right decision, it's still VERY hard to make a change, and I meet people every day who know they should move on, but don't.

In fact, we dug up some statistics a few years ago for a workshop I offer: "Discover Work you Love", and found that something like 70% of all employees are not happy with their jobs. That's a big number! If they aren't happy why don't they leave?

Surprisingly, one reason is loyalty. Sometimes you think you are doing a company a favor by staying - but if you aren't happy it probably shows, either in your performance or your attitude. If they also sense it's not a good fit, they may be praying for the day you decide to move on. Because they need a good legal reason to make the decision for you.

Integrity - this is another version of loyalty. It's not practical to quit before looking for your next job, but it feels like you are living a lie if you act involved and committed by day and secretly hunt for new opportunities by night. I'm big on integrity, so I understand this bind fully. But unfortunately the relationship you have with your company is not exactly like other relationships: friends and family don't usually dump you when it no longer makes financial sense to keep you; organizations must in order to survive.

Another reason is fear. What if no one else will pay me as much? With a mortgage, car payment, and lifestyle to worry about it doesn't feel worth the risk. Sometimes, even in the face of statistics and factual information that prove otherwise, people are convinced that no one else will hire them. And they are simply too scared to find out. So they make up all sorts of excuses to hide that fear even from themselves. One of the big excuses, by the way, is loyalty.

Not having the energy to make a change. I think this is a good reason to wait, as long as you can be honest about it. If you are in a challenging work environment all your energy during the day is devoted to surviving. By the time you get home, there's no energy left to think about making a change, much less do anything about it. At other times, what you have to tolerate at work doesn't seem "that bad" compared to what you would have to tolerate looking for a new job. If you are committed but drained, you might want to take a vacation and use the first half to sleep and the second half to come up with a strategy. Change is tough - it takes a lot of energy even if it's a good change, so you have to be ready, refreshed, and committed. Otherwise it's really not worth getting started. If you want to read more about the cycles of change, here's an overview.

Speaking of getting started, the first step is having a conversation with somebody - often your boss. But if that conversation goes in the wrong direction, you may end up in a worse situation. So many people tolerate negative situations that can be changed because they are too scared to bring their problems to anyone's attention.

If you think it's time for a change, but are finding it hard to get started, how do you get help taking the first step?

Well first I have to plug myself, because this is the best time to hire a coach. You need someone outside the organization and outside of your circle of family and friends who can be completely objective in helping you think through the issues, and who wont be affected at all by your decision. If you'd like an overview of how I work with job transition clients click here.

With or without a coach, here are the first steps you can take to get moving:

Step One: Get an objective person to have decision making conversations with. This is so you can think and talk through the issues without putting yourself at risk. And it can't be a family member or anyone who is invested in the current relationship they have with you. You might not think a good friend will be biased, but if you change at all, it will change your relationship with that friend, and everyone resists change, whether they want to admit it or not.

Step Two: Build a support system. When I decided to leave my last job and start my own company, I started a "success team" to give me the courage to do it. This is a group of people who all have a goal or change they want to make, and they meet to support each other through the transition. It's very powerful. I have run teams like this at Aspyrre, but you can also build your own. Find 4-12 friends or associates who have dreams they haven't acted on and just need a little nudge of support to move forward. Meet at least once per month: talk about what you want to accomplish, what your next steps are, what you need to move forward, and hold each other accountable to small forward-moving actions.

Step Three: Re-assess what's important to you. If you are going to make a change, you might as well make it a good one. It only takes a few days to re-assess your strengths, weaknesses, values, and purpose in life. A couple of good books that walk you through the process are: What Color is Your Parachute? by Richard Bolles, and Wishcraft, by Barbara Sher. You'll be much happier in your next position if it feels meaningful. But don't make the mistake of thinking you have to "find your true passion" before taking the next step. Your purpose can be reflected in almost anything you do, and if you can't get excited about anything, you might need a big break. It's ok to step into an easy non-draining position for a few years - you don't always have to move "up".

Step Four: Get lots of information. There are so many opportunities out there that people never find because they look for a job the "traditional way". Have conversations with people in positions you've never heard of, learn about the companies near where you live, find out where your neighbors work. If you've wanted to go out on your own, talk to people who have done it. This doesn't have to take a lot of time, but if you can devote a few weeks to having exploratory conversations, you'll end up with new ideas and opportunities you would have otherwise missed.

Step Five: Once you've gone through the thinking and information gathering, it's usually much easier to get excited about creating a plan and taking action. From here on in it's all about marketing yourself - which is a whole new article for some other time.

It's really not that hard though. And the big question you need to ask yourself is this:

Am I willing to go to work every day for the next ten years feeling the way I feel today when I'm at work?

You don't get to say "No, but, it wont be ten years..." Because I tell you what, ten years will fly by, and unless something accidentally hits you in the face, chances are you'll still be avoiding whatever you're avoiding now.

Thinking about it honestly now doesn't mean you have to take action now. But if you go through the thinking and information gathering part now, then when you are ready to take action, it will be easy.


copyright 2006 Nahid Casazza and Aspyrre www.aspyrre.com