Our Endless Struggle with Time

All my clients struggle with time to some degree. At one end of the spectrum are those who work 18 to 20 hours per day and still can’t keep up with everything on their plates. They are exhausted, they don’t have time to spend on what they love, and they barely have time to talk with me. At the other end of the spectrum are those who have balanced their life, but still worry about protecting what they have achieved, as there are always opportunities to get lured into new commitments.

The time struggle goes deeper than balancing your “to do” list with hours in the day. Americans are addicted to productivity, and sometimes we get our identity from how much we are able to get done in a given time frame. Have you ever had one of those super-productive days and felt a “high” afterwards from the pride in how much you accomplished?

Then there’s the whole problem with everything you do stretching into the available time. You might remove things from your to do list, only to find that you still don’t seem to have time to get everything done.

I did a time management seminar at a client facility recently, and one of the key things we focused on are what I like to call “the underneath issues”. These are the underlying emotional things that prevent you from feeling comfortable in a “non-busy” state. Here are just a few:

1. Trust: If you worry that something catastrophic will happen if everything isn’t handled, then you will constantly fill your plate monitoring everything within your conscious reach that may go wrong. Even if you get more efficient, your empty time will be filled worrying, and you will create new things to worry about.

2. Identity: If your sense of self is attached to how much you can accomplish in a day, then you will constantly be driven to add as much as you can squeeze into the available spaces. It seems silly, lazy, or unproductive to allow yourself empty time, so if you find that you have 15 extra minutes, you will be compelled to squeeze something else in.

3. Connection: If you have a strong desire to have positive relationships with other people, you may have a difficult time saying no to invitations and requests for your time. You may also have a hard time closing down your e-mail or turning off instant messenger, as you wait to hear from people you care about.

It’s not just internal issues that keep us busy. Productivity, hard work, speed and efficiency are among the most important values in business today. And with the influx of technology into our social lives, we have several times as many opportunities to get involved in community activities. No matter how committed you are to living a peaceful life, the world around you will continue to buzz with activity and invite you “out”.

The bottom line is that changing your “time situation” involves more than learning new time management techniques. It requires you to examine your underlying values, and pay attention to how NOT having enough time serves you. Only when you can pinpoint what compels you to stay busy or overwhelmed can you rise above your frustration and make significant decisions that will change your life.

Copyright ©2008 Nahid Casazza, Aspyrre, www.aspyrre.com

The Perfect New Year’s Resolution

This year, I made the perfect New Year’s resolution. I knew it was perfect as soon as I chose it, and as a coach, I immediately wondered if there was a way to explain what I did, so others can also make “perfect” resolutions. It’s almost easier to explain what not to do, so I’ll start with that.

A perfect resolution is NOT a goal that requires more energy than you have to achieve it.

Most people pick the hardest thing they can think of, the one thing they struggle the most with: losing weight, quitting smoking, making loads of money, finding that perfect relationship or job, and make THAT their resolution. But just the thought of doing what it will take to succeed is draining. Some people muster up a whole bunch of will power and make some progress. Others peter out before they get started.

When I considered my “goals” for the year: exercising more, eating healthier, spending more time with family, getting more organized, taking my business to the next level…. just writing the list felt draining and made me want to stay “on vacation” longer.

However, when I started thinking about how I wanted to live differently in 2008, I uncovered deeper, more important things. I asked myself how I was living my life when I was organized, in tune with my family, and being the person I wanted to be, compared to how I was living my life when I was disorganized, distracted, and not as successful? I noticed a distinct pattern. On my “bad” days I was beating myself up, feeling ashamed of the things that weren’t working, and putting pressure on myself to do more and do better. The pressure drained my energy though, so I was actually doing less, and feeling worse! On my “good” days, I wasn’t paying much attention to how well I was doing, I was just doing. My mental state was more present and focused, and my emotional state was a combination of authenticity and humility.

I decided that in 2008 I want to spend more time feeling present, focused, authentic, and humble, and less time feeling pressured, anxious, ashamed, and frustrated. My “perfect” resolution was to stop the internal pressure. For me, it means that when I notice I’m not living up to whatever external standard I set for myself, to give myself the benefit of the doubt instead of allowing an inner tirade of negative self talk.

Why is this resolution perfect?

1. It doesn’t drain my energy – it excites me! Imagine living life and not feeling negative internal pressure!

2. It’s a resolution because it will require my constant attention until it becomes a habit. I have to consciously remind myself that it’s ok to take a nap or leave the dishes or not send out cards this year. Otherwise I’ll automatically fall back into the negative pressure pattern.

3. It’s in-line with my values and allows me to achieve my goals. When I don’t put pressure on myself, I’m honoring the person I really am, which reflects my values of integrity and authenticity. When I don’t put pressure on myself, I have more energy, which I naturally apply to achieving my goals. This past week I spent lots of time exercising, organizing, and “being” with my family, and it felt natural.

If I am able to keep this resolution, I’ll not only get to live a more enjoyable life, I’ll also have a much easier time achieving ALL of those other goals on my list. So it’s enjoyable and productive at the same time! Perfect!

Your “perfect” resolution will probably be different from mine, but the steps you take to discover it can be the same:

1. Ask yourself how you lived in 2007 and what you would change?

2. Compare the times you were living the way you wanted to live with the times you weren’t. Or, compare your “good times” with your “bad times”. See if you notice any patterns.

3. Think about what parts of the patterns you control. For example, you can’t control the things that happen to you, but you might be able to control how you think about them or how you handle them.

4. Ask yourself, is there anything about how you thought about things or handled things in 2007 that worked especially well? Is this something you could increase in 2008?

5. If you did, how would your life change in 2008? Would the changes excite you? Would it be worth the heightened awareness and conscious effort it would take to make the change?

If so, you may have stumbled on your “perfect resolution”!

So far, I’m truly enjoying my resolution. The trick is to stay aware and conscious of it, even after the novelty of the New Year passes. Keep me posted on what you decide, and how it changes your life – I’d love to hear!

Copyright © January 2008, Nahid Casazza, Aspyrre,

www.aspyrre.com (949) 495-1021