Help - I Lost my Motivation!
Motivation is never a problem for a naturally unmotivated person. It’s when you are used to achievement, accomplishment and success and suddenly you experience a lull in your motivation that things get frustrating.
If you are normally highly motivated, but suddenly notice yourself procrastinating, feeling drained, or otherwise not moving quickly enough towards your goals, here are some things to consider:
1. How clear are you about what you want to achieve? If you are confused or having doubts, this can lead to a question about whether or not the effort is worth it. The solution: Ask yourself how much effort you are willing to put forth on the next few steps without knowing if you will continue to move forward. Make sure those steps include gathering whatever information you need to clear up your initial confusion or doubts.
2. How much do you have to break out of current habits and patterns to achieve your goal? It takes a lot of energy to create new habits, which is why people don’t change very easily when they are busy or comfortable in their current routines. In this case focusing on one activity or habit at a time as a priority can help you build new patterns.
3. How will your success or failure change your relationships? Those who love us are incredibly impacted by everything we change. Even positive changes on our part can wreak havoc on their lives. For example, if you are suddenly running several miles per day to train for a marathon, you aren’t available for whatever you used to do during that time. It helps to ask the people you are close to how the changes you are making (or stressing over making) impact them. You may be surprised, but getting it on the table and talking about it will often clear up the resistance and make it easier to move forward.
4. How painful are the steps you need to take to achieve success? If you have to do something you aren’t comfortable or confident doing in order to achieve your goal, your procrastination will kick in no matter how enticing the end result is. Identify the specific tasks you are avoiding and see if you can eliminate them or break them into small, manageable steps that don’t require as much energy.
5. How much meaning have you attached to your success? As soon as achieving a particular goal grows into something that defines who you are it becomes elusive. If you have to find your passion, be in the ideal relationship, make a certain amount of money, or be a certain weight in order to be ok with yourself, then those things wont happen. The only way out of this one is separating your ego from your goal and dealing with them separately.
For more information, including workshops, articles, and tools for getting motivated, check out my website at: www.aspyrre.com.
Showing posts with label goal setting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goal setting. Show all posts
Monday, February 08, 2010
Monday, November 30, 2009
Are “You” Lined up with Your Goals?
As a coach, I help you achieve your goals faster. But I’m less interested in your actual goals than how you can most easily achieve them. And, I’m less interested in how sensible your action steps are than how lined up you are mentally and emotionally with those steps. Simply put, if you aren’t lined up with your goals, you wont achieve them. So my most important mission when I talk with prospective clients about their goals is to ask the kind of questions that will reveal any hidden values conflicts, fears, or attachments connected to those goals.
When we work together, our most productive work will be addressing those conflicts and getting “you” lined up with what you want to achieve. Once you are lined up with your goals, then the action steps are easy to take, and over time, with consistent action, there’s almost no way you can fail. But when you aren’t lined up, no matter how clear you are on your actions, no matter how committed you feel when we get off the phone, by the next session, it’s predictable that you will either be frustrated with yourself for procrastinating, or you will cite many legitimate reasons why you could not take the actions required to achieve your goal. You may even be distracted and want to talk about other things, until after a few months you look back and wonder what you accomplished.
How do you know if you are “unaligned” with your goals? Here are just some of the signs:
1. It takes a whole lot of willpower and discipline for you to follow your plan.
2. You feel that you need accountability – someone to push you.
3. You really don’t enjoy doing the specific actions required to succeed.
4. You find yourself procrastinating and feel ashamed, but that doesn’t change things much.
5. Other, more important things keep getting in your way so you don’t have time to do what you need to do to succeed.
6. You keep changing your mind about your goals.
7. You set a goal and work towards it for awhile and then, without even realizing it, you seem to drift into not working on it, until one day you notice you’ve blown it off for weeks.
8. You feel like if you could only just get this one thing worked out and achieve this one goal, everything in your life would finally be ok (the right job, the right weight, the right relationship, etc.)
In contrast, how does it feel when you ARE lined up with your goals?
1. You may be tired or unmotivated, but you take the action steps anyway, and you feel good about it.
2. You might want an accountability partner, but you look forward to the time together instead of feeling pushed or forced.
3. Taking the steps required to achieve your goal feels energizing and exciting even if you feel scared, even if you fail.
4. Once you get some momentum going on your actions, they get easier, more enjoyable, and you feel more efficient.
5. You can see yourself having achieved your goal, and it feels possible, not like a “too good to be true” fantasy.
6. You know achieving this goal will be fulfilling, but you don’t expect it to make all your problems go away.
7. You might procrastinate or get distracted sometimes, but within a few days you are naturally thinking and focusing on your goal again, and wanting to take more steps.
8. As you work towards your goal, you continue to grow your confidence, even when things aren’t working out like you’d hoped.
If you look at the two lists above, you may notice that there is a distinct difference in the overall feeling and forward motion. When you aren’t lined up with your goals, your emotional state is more conflicted, your mental state is more confused, and although you may take some action, you never gain enough momentum to see results. When you are lined up with your goals you still feel all the same human emotions like fear and frustration, and you still face setbacks, both internally and externally, but through it all you naturally hold the vision, want to move forward, and find the energy you need to do what it takes. So eventually you gain momentum and get results.
If you are becoming painfully aware that you are in the “not lined up” category, don’t despair. You wouldn’t “want” whatever it is that you want if it wasn’t lined up with at least one real value or need. And that means the possibility exists for you to achieve at least most of what you want. However, if something isn’t lined up, you will have more long term success working to identify your internal conflicts and working them out than in attempting to force yourself through willpower to take action.
This doesn’t take as long as you might think. You don’t have to go into years of therapy and resolve everything in your past that affects you now. Just shining some light on your values, thinking about what makes you feel happy, fulfilled, and purposeful, and understanding what tends to get in the way for you can make enough of a difference to get you moving forward.
That’s why, at Aspyrre, December is the month of “self-discovery”. January is a big month for goal-setting, so in December we get back in touch with our core values, think about who we really are, what we most want out of life, and identify what gives us a sense of fulfillment and purpose. Then, as we plan for the year ahead we can make a conscious effort to line our goals up with our strongest values and give ourselves the best chance for success.
There is an exercise I have my clients do each year in December that helps shine the light on what is most important, and sets the stage for setting solid, values-based goals in January. The exercise is on my website, and is called “Your Year in Review”. Feel free to go through the questions yourself for this year, and when you are done, see if you have uncovered any gems that help you line yourself up with what you want to accomplish next year. I’d love to hear what you come up with!
P.S. As I write this at the end of 2009, I am working on a new website, so if for any reason the link doesn’t work – just go to my website and look in the articles section, or feel free to e-mail me and let me know so I can get the exercise to you.
As a coach, I help you achieve your goals faster. But I’m less interested in your actual goals than how you can most easily achieve them. And, I’m less interested in how sensible your action steps are than how lined up you are mentally and emotionally with those steps. Simply put, if you aren’t lined up with your goals, you wont achieve them. So my most important mission when I talk with prospective clients about their goals is to ask the kind of questions that will reveal any hidden values conflicts, fears, or attachments connected to those goals.
When we work together, our most productive work will be addressing those conflicts and getting “you” lined up with what you want to achieve. Once you are lined up with your goals, then the action steps are easy to take, and over time, with consistent action, there’s almost no way you can fail. But when you aren’t lined up, no matter how clear you are on your actions, no matter how committed you feel when we get off the phone, by the next session, it’s predictable that you will either be frustrated with yourself for procrastinating, or you will cite many legitimate reasons why you could not take the actions required to achieve your goal. You may even be distracted and want to talk about other things, until after a few months you look back and wonder what you accomplished.
How do you know if you are “unaligned” with your goals? Here are just some of the signs:
1. It takes a whole lot of willpower and discipline for you to follow your plan.
2. You feel that you need accountability – someone to push you.
3. You really don’t enjoy doing the specific actions required to succeed.
4. You find yourself procrastinating and feel ashamed, but that doesn’t change things much.
5. Other, more important things keep getting in your way so you don’t have time to do what you need to do to succeed.
6. You keep changing your mind about your goals.
7. You set a goal and work towards it for awhile and then, without even realizing it, you seem to drift into not working on it, until one day you notice you’ve blown it off for weeks.
8. You feel like if you could only just get this one thing worked out and achieve this one goal, everything in your life would finally be ok (the right job, the right weight, the right relationship, etc.)
In contrast, how does it feel when you ARE lined up with your goals?
1. You may be tired or unmotivated, but you take the action steps anyway, and you feel good about it.
2. You might want an accountability partner, but you look forward to the time together instead of feeling pushed or forced.
3. Taking the steps required to achieve your goal feels energizing and exciting even if you feel scared, even if you fail.
4. Once you get some momentum going on your actions, they get easier, more enjoyable, and you feel more efficient.
5. You can see yourself having achieved your goal, and it feels possible, not like a “too good to be true” fantasy.
6. You know achieving this goal will be fulfilling, but you don’t expect it to make all your problems go away.
7. You might procrastinate or get distracted sometimes, but within a few days you are naturally thinking and focusing on your goal again, and wanting to take more steps.
8. As you work towards your goal, you continue to grow your confidence, even when things aren’t working out like you’d hoped.
If you look at the two lists above, you may notice that there is a distinct difference in the overall feeling and forward motion. When you aren’t lined up with your goals, your emotional state is more conflicted, your mental state is more confused, and although you may take some action, you never gain enough momentum to see results. When you are lined up with your goals you still feel all the same human emotions like fear and frustration, and you still face setbacks, both internally and externally, but through it all you naturally hold the vision, want to move forward, and find the energy you need to do what it takes. So eventually you gain momentum and get results.
If you are becoming painfully aware that you are in the “not lined up” category, don’t despair. You wouldn’t “want” whatever it is that you want if it wasn’t lined up with at least one real value or need. And that means the possibility exists for you to achieve at least most of what you want. However, if something isn’t lined up, you will have more long term success working to identify your internal conflicts and working them out than in attempting to force yourself through willpower to take action.
This doesn’t take as long as you might think. You don’t have to go into years of therapy and resolve everything in your past that affects you now. Just shining some light on your values, thinking about what makes you feel happy, fulfilled, and purposeful, and understanding what tends to get in the way for you can make enough of a difference to get you moving forward.
That’s why, at Aspyrre, December is the month of “self-discovery”. January is a big month for goal-setting, so in December we get back in touch with our core values, think about who we really are, what we most want out of life, and identify what gives us a sense of fulfillment and purpose. Then, as we plan for the year ahead we can make a conscious effort to line our goals up with our strongest values and give ourselves the best chance for success.
There is an exercise I have my clients do each year in December that helps shine the light on what is most important, and sets the stage for setting solid, values-based goals in January. The exercise is on my website, and is called “Your Year in Review”. Feel free to go through the questions yourself for this year, and when you are done, see if you have uncovered any gems that help you line yourself up with what you want to accomplish next year. I’d love to hear what you come up with!
P.S. As I write this at the end of 2009, I am working on a new website, so if for any reason the link doesn’t work – just go to my website and look in the articles section, or feel free to e-mail me and let me know so I can get the exercise to you.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Why I’m Passionate About Coaching Groups
The majority of people who change jobs, start companies, quit smoking, go on a diet, or start any big initiative, tend to go it alone. I tend to do this as well, falling into the mental trap of dismissing support, almost as if it were an admission of failure. But one thing I’ve learned in the past few years is that leveraging the positive energy of others is like swimming with the current. The struggle disappears, and it feels like “riding the wave” of success.
Consider this:
1. According to Richard Bolles (http://www.jobsletter.org.nz/jbl14010.htm), sending out resumes randomly has about a 7% success rate, which you can increase to 69% by using a more proactive method. Being proactive with a group of other job hunters increases the success rate even more… to 84%.
2. Estimates for small business survival range from the standard “90% of all new businesses fail” to “3 out of 5 survive the first four years”. But a study from the University of Munich found that entrepreneurs who receive support from a network are more successful than those who are isolated. (Josef Brüderl and Peter Preisendörfer)
3. In his famous book, "Think And Grow Rich," Napolean Hill asserts that a key difference that made people successful was being involved in Mastermind Groups that bring people together with different experiences and ideas to collaborate, brainstorm, and provide support to help the participants achieve their goals. For business owners Masterminding can help you model other successful entrepreneurs, and provide you with your own board of directors.
4. Studies have shown that meeting regularly with a support group increases success in just about everything, from tripling your success rate if you want to quit smoking, to doubling your life expectancy when you have cancer.
The bottom line is, if you are serious about achieving any goal, personally or professionally, getting a support system is one of the most important things you can do to ensure your success. With that in mind, the most important question is how to find the right support system for you. Here are some important tips:
1. Although this may seem counterintuitive, it’s best to join a group of acquaintances who do not have an emotional investment in the decisions you make. Family members, good friends, and work associates will be influenced by the relationship they already have with you.
2. It’s good to have a diverse group with one to three key themes in common. For example, you may share a desire to succeed professionally, but your individual goals and areas of expertise vary widely. This provides you with an innovative environment where you can take advantage of completely different perspectives, and also enables you to build strong relationships based on shared values.
3. The most successful groups normally have a professional facilitator managing time and group dynamics, and this allows the group members to immerse themselves in the conversation without worrying about “playing host”. If you choose not to use a trained facilitator, it’s still important to set clear guidelines that create a safe and mutually respectful environment for all participants.
I’m passionate about groups, not only because they make sense, but because being a part of the right group can change your life. If you’ve ever been part of a project team that pulled something amazing off against all odds, or had that feeling of being a valuable part of something important that was much bigger than yourself, you might get a sense of what I’m talking about. It’s a feeling that can’t be described in writing, but it makes you feel powerful, confident, and capable of doing much more than you would have ever imagined on your own, and what’s more – those feelings are translated into real action and results.
If you have been wondering about getting involved with a group to accelerate your success, please feel free to send me a personal e-mail at nahid@aspyrre.com or give me a call at (949) 495-1021. I would love to talk with you more about your situation, and would be happy to share information on groups I am starting or provide you with additional guidelines if you’d like to start your own.
The majority of people who change jobs, start companies, quit smoking, go on a diet, or start any big initiative, tend to go it alone. I tend to do this as well, falling into the mental trap of dismissing support, almost as if it were an admission of failure. But one thing I’ve learned in the past few years is that leveraging the positive energy of others is like swimming with the current. The struggle disappears, and it feels like “riding the wave” of success.
Consider this:
1. According to Richard Bolles (http://www.jobsletter.org.nz/jbl14010.htm), sending out resumes randomly has about a 7% success rate, which you can increase to 69% by using a more proactive method. Being proactive with a group of other job hunters increases the success rate even more… to 84%.
2. Estimates for small business survival range from the standard “90% of all new businesses fail” to “3 out of 5 survive the first four years”. But a study from the University of Munich found that entrepreneurs who receive support from a network are more successful than those who are isolated. (Josef Brüderl and Peter Preisendörfer)
3. In his famous book, "Think And Grow Rich," Napolean Hill asserts that a key difference that made people successful was being involved in Mastermind Groups that bring people together with different experiences and ideas to collaborate, brainstorm, and provide support to help the participants achieve their goals. For business owners Masterminding can help you model other successful entrepreneurs, and provide you with your own board of directors.
4. Studies have shown that meeting regularly with a support group increases success in just about everything, from tripling your success rate if you want to quit smoking, to doubling your life expectancy when you have cancer.
The bottom line is, if you are serious about achieving any goal, personally or professionally, getting a support system is one of the most important things you can do to ensure your success. With that in mind, the most important question is how to find the right support system for you. Here are some important tips:
1. Although this may seem counterintuitive, it’s best to join a group of acquaintances who do not have an emotional investment in the decisions you make. Family members, good friends, and work associates will be influenced by the relationship they already have with you.
2. It’s good to have a diverse group with one to three key themes in common. For example, you may share a desire to succeed professionally, but your individual goals and areas of expertise vary widely. This provides you with an innovative environment where you can take advantage of completely different perspectives, and also enables you to build strong relationships based on shared values.
3. The most successful groups normally have a professional facilitator managing time and group dynamics, and this allows the group members to immerse themselves in the conversation without worrying about “playing host”. If you choose not to use a trained facilitator, it’s still important to set clear guidelines that create a safe and mutually respectful environment for all participants.
I’m passionate about groups, not only because they make sense, but because being a part of the right group can change your life. If you’ve ever been part of a project team that pulled something amazing off against all odds, or had that feeling of being a valuable part of something important that was much bigger than yourself, you might get a sense of what I’m talking about. It’s a feeling that can’t be described in writing, but it makes you feel powerful, confident, and capable of doing much more than you would have ever imagined on your own, and what’s more – those feelings are translated into real action and results.
If you have been wondering about getting involved with a group to accelerate your success, please feel free to send me a personal e-mail at nahid@aspyrre.com or give me a call at (949) 495-1021. I would love to talk with you more about your situation, and would be happy to share information on groups I am starting or provide you with additional guidelines if you’d like to start your own.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
How your Identity Impacts your Success
You may have noticed that it’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog entry. There is a good reason for this: in July, I made the decision to pull my children out of daycare. I took the month of August off work, and drove around the United States with them, through 25 states, visiting family, friends, museums, and historical sites. We got home in time for school to start, and I did not re-enroll them in after school daycare, choosing instead to compress my business into the hours they are at school, and devoting the afternoons to being a parent. My business motto has been “twice the revenue in half the time”. We’ll see how that actually pans out over the next year or so, but meanwhile, it has been an interesting lesson in productivity, efficiency, and surprisingly, personal identity.
On the surface, it’s been fairly clear how to prioritize my tasks, schedule my days, and make the changes required to navigate this transition. The real struggle completely caught me off guard – it was this internal sense of vague confusion over what makes me a success. I’ve had spurts of frustration and irritation that seem to come out of nowhere, and after several bouts of thinking things through it hit me that my business transition has knocked me into a mini-identity crisis.
I don’t know if we realize how tied we are to our identity until it changes. In retrospect, I know that when I started my business, the personal identity I globbed onto was “successful entrepreneur”. Statistics or not, I was not willing to fail at building a viable business that I could be proud of. All my feelings of self-worth were wrapped up in the business. Once it gathered enough momentum and I crossed that “survival” line, new questions started nagging at me, and the main one was “how am I doing in my role as parent”? I don’t think I was quite satisfied with the answer, and this began the drive to change into what I wanted my new identity to be: both a successful business owner and a successful parent.
When I work with professionals in transition, I find that loss of identity is one of the biggest contributors to the stress and emotional struggle they experience while they are out of work. I also notice that the clients I coach are going to naturally behave in ways that are in line with their personal identity, and if they don’t strongly identify with the role they are moving toward, it’s almost impossible for them to succeed.
When you think about your own success, it’s important to know what roles you have defined for yourself, and what they mean to you. For example, I when I watch other parents, I see a wide variety of ways each individual defines success in that role. Some parents define their success through the success of their children, some define their success by the amount of time they spend with their children, some by the kind of relationships they have with their children. At work, some define success by how much money they bring in, some by what they are building and the impact they are having on the world, some by the level of power in their organization, some by how much they are learning – we are all different.
If you are struggling at work or in any area of your life, you may want to write down the roles you see yourself playing, and how you define success in each of those roles. Just taking a moment to ask yourself who you are and who you want to be brings assumptions to the surface, and may reveal the source of any frustration or confusion you feel in your current role.
The bottom line is that we really aren’t any of the roles we play, and the roles we play in life change many times. Our identity is what we make up in our mind about the roles we are playing currently, and how we define success in that role. If you are feeling successful in life, you probably fit well into how you define success. If you are feeling frustrated or unsuccessful, there is a good chance that you feel “out of synch” with your definition of who you “should” be and what success in that role means.
How to get back “in synch”? Well, you can change your behavior, or you can change your definition of success, or you can look deeper for something that means more to you than the current role you are playing. If you’d like to talk about this, or anything else related to your success, don’t hesitate to write or call. These are the big questions that take time to think about, but make the difference in your success, personal fulfillment, and overall life satisfaction.
You may have noticed that it’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog entry. There is a good reason for this: in July, I made the decision to pull my children out of daycare. I took the month of August off work, and drove around the United States with them, through 25 states, visiting family, friends, museums, and historical sites. We got home in time for school to start, and I did not re-enroll them in after school daycare, choosing instead to compress my business into the hours they are at school, and devoting the afternoons to being a parent. My business motto has been “twice the revenue in half the time”. We’ll see how that actually pans out over the next year or so, but meanwhile, it has been an interesting lesson in productivity, efficiency, and surprisingly, personal identity.
On the surface, it’s been fairly clear how to prioritize my tasks, schedule my days, and make the changes required to navigate this transition. The real struggle completely caught me off guard – it was this internal sense of vague confusion over what makes me a success. I’ve had spurts of frustration and irritation that seem to come out of nowhere, and after several bouts of thinking things through it hit me that my business transition has knocked me into a mini-identity crisis.
I don’t know if we realize how tied we are to our identity until it changes. In retrospect, I know that when I started my business, the personal identity I globbed onto was “successful entrepreneur”. Statistics or not, I was not willing to fail at building a viable business that I could be proud of. All my feelings of self-worth were wrapped up in the business. Once it gathered enough momentum and I crossed that “survival” line, new questions started nagging at me, and the main one was “how am I doing in my role as parent”? I don’t think I was quite satisfied with the answer, and this began the drive to change into what I wanted my new identity to be: both a successful business owner and a successful parent.
When I work with professionals in transition, I find that loss of identity is one of the biggest contributors to the stress and emotional struggle they experience while they are out of work. I also notice that the clients I coach are going to naturally behave in ways that are in line with their personal identity, and if they don’t strongly identify with the role they are moving toward, it’s almost impossible for them to succeed.
When you think about your own success, it’s important to know what roles you have defined for yourself, and what they mean to you. For example, I when I watch other parents, I see a wide variety of ways each individual defines success in that role. Some parents define their success through the success of their children, some define their success by the amount of time they spend with their children, some by the kind of relationships they have with their children. At work, some define success by how much money they bring in, some by what they are building and the impact they are having on the world, some by the level of power in their organization, some by how much they are learning – we are all different.
If you are struggling at work or in any area of your life, you may want to write down the roles you see yourself playing, and how you define success in each of those roles. Just taking a moment to ask yourself who you are and who you want to be brings assumptions to the surface, and may reveal the source of any frustration or confusion you feel in your current role.
The bottom line is that we really aren’t any of the roles we play, and the roles we play in life change many times. Our identity is what we make up in our mind about the roles we are playing currently, and how we define success in that role. If you are feeling successful in life, you probably fit well into how you define success. If you are feeling frustrated or unsuccessful, there is a good chance that you feel “out of synch” with your definition of who you “should” be and what success in that role means.
How to get back “in synch”? Well, you can change your behavior, or you can change your definition of success, or you can look deeper for something that means more to you than the current role you are playing. If you’d like to talk about this, or anything else related to your success, don’t hesitate to write or call. These are the big questions that take time to think about, but make the difference in your success, personal fulfillment, and overall life satisfaction.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Taking "Win-Win" to a Whole New Level
I don’t know about you, but even though I really want to be a good and giving person, sometimes I get tired of being asked to donate to so many different causes. High school students knock on my door wanting me to order newspapers so they can go on school trips. I get endless calls from alumni associations and cancer societies. And my children always have something they “should” be selling to raise additional funds for their schools.
It’s not that I don’t believe in these causes, but I don’t like to feel manipulated into buying things I don’t really want, and I don’t like to feel guilty when I say no. I know we all have a choice, and I’ve learned to maintain my boundaries.
This solution doesn't feel quite right though. It still involves inner conflict. In order for one party to get what they need, others must give up at least some of what they value. What if it were possible for everyone to easily get what they need?
Last night my daughter showed me one example of what I call a “self-serving winners circle”. It’s an innovative way to give that feels much more like receiving than giving.
It’s a website called www.freerice.com. The organization’s mission is to end world hunger, and the way they do it is brilliant. They’ve created a fun vocabulary game that is easy to play and automatically adjusts to your level as you go, whether you are a second grade student or an English scholar. The site also has a place for banner ads. The companies who advertise pay and get visibility just like they would on any other site. A self-serving winners circle has been created with three winners and NO losers:
1. Winner # 1 – Anyone who likes to play on the computer and learn something incredibly useful at the same time. Go play the vocabulary game, improve your mastery of the English language, and every time you get a word right, you earn 20 grains of rice for the hungry. That doesn’t sound like a lot, but my daughter and I played for about an hour and got up to 7,000 grains pretty quickly. We were trying to figure out how much that was, and we decided it probably fed at least one person one meal. So not only did we both learn a few new words, we got to feel GOOD about making a contribution to something in the world, and she gets to take a print out of our results back to her teacher and get bonus points in school. To me, this is the essence of the joy of receiving and giving at the same time – freely.
2. Winner # 2 – The advertisers. Last I checked, the google rating for this site was a 6/10 which is pretty high, and my guess is that it will be even higher as the word continues to spread. I’m not exactly sure what the payment arrangement is for the advertiser, but whether it is based on “grains of rice earned while your banner is up” or some other formula, it’s probably similar to what they would pay for putting up a banner on any site. But in this case, they get the added benefit of being well-regarded and actually looked at with curiosity instead of annoyance. Site users wonder.. “hmm.. who are the cool companies advertising on this site – maybe I’ll take a more serious look at what they have to offer”. Imagine using the same marketing dollars to get visibility, increase good will, AND do good in the world!
3. Winner # 3 – The starving people who get to eat the rice that the vocabulary game players earn and the advertisers pay for. The site explains how they work with the UN food bank to make this happen.
To me, this is the essence of “win-win”. It’s about creating a system where everyone who participates truly wins in a tangible way, and no one in the system is giving just for the sake of giving. This is not a new concept. I remember learning about it in economics. Yet, it interests me that people don’t use it more.
It’s like we have a social paradigm that says giving has to hurt a little to be real. So we keep appealing to people’s sense of duty and morality to get important things done. But if there’s a more practical way to get the same thing done with less effort and fewer resources, why not?
My question is, where else might self-serving winners circles be useful? In business, could a self-serving winners circle make it almost effortless to attract new customers? At home, could a self-serving winners circle make discipline effortless? In a school, could a self-serving winners circle make teaching effortless? Besides feeding the hungry, are there positive, synergistic ways to tackle some of the other big problems in the world, like healthcare, crime, or even terrorism?
I think www.freerice.com has created a self-serving winners circle to make feeding the world a good deal easier, if not completely effortless, and I think they give a good example of how to create a system where people will naturally and enthusiastically work together towards a purpose, not just because they believe in the purpose, but because doing so serves them as well.
Self-serving systems are self-feeding, so they are endless. Resources are not depleted, and in fact, every participant in the system is receiving something they need. Because participants are naturally winning, they stay engaged, and the system continues to grow, generating and receiving more positive energy along the way.
Think about the things you want to accomplish for yourself, at work, and in the world. What is getting in the way? Do you need more cooperation from other people to succeed? If so, is it possible to create a self-serving winners circle? I’d love to hear!
Monday, January 07, 2008
The Perfect New Year’s Resolution
This year, I made the perfect New Year’s resolution. I knew it was perfect as soon as I chose it, and as a coach, I immediately wondered if there was a way to explain what I did, so others can also make “perfect” resolutions. It’s almost easier to explain what not to do, so I’ll start with that.
A perfect resolution is NOT a goal that requires more energy than you have to achieve it.
Most people pick the hardest thing they can think of, the one thing they struggle the most with: losing weight, quitting smoking, making loads of money, finding that perfect relationship or job, and make THAT their resolution. But just the thought of doing what it will take to succeed is draining. Some people muster up a whole bunch of will power and make some progress. Others peter out before they get started.
When I considered my “goals” for the year: exercising more, eating healthier, spending more time with family, getting more organized, taking my business to the next level…. just writing the list felt draining and made me want to stay “on vacation” longer.
However, when I started thinking about how I wanted to live differently in 2008, I uncovered deeper, more important things. I asked myself how I was living my life when I was organized, in tune with my family, and being the person I wanted to be, compared to how I was living my life when I was disorganized, distracted, and not as successful? I noticed a distinct pattern. On my “bad” days I was beating myself up, feeling ashamed of the things that weren’t working, and putting pressure on myself to do more and do better. The pressure drained my energy though, so I was actually doing less, and feeling worse! On my “good” days, I wasn’t paying much attention to how well I was doing, I was just doing. My mental state was more present and focused, and my emotional state was a combination of authenticity and humility.
I decided that in 2008 I want to spend more time feeling present, focused, authentic, and humble, and less time feeling pressured, anxious, ashamed, and frustrated. My “perfect” resolution was to stop the internal pressure. For me, it means that when I notice I’m not living up to whatever external standard I set for myself, to give myself the benefit of the doubt instead of allowing an inner tirade of negative self talk.
Why is this resolution perfect?
1. It doesn’t drain my energy – it excites me! Imagine living life and not feeling negative internal pressure!
2. It’s a resolution because it will require my constant attention until it becomes a habit. I have to consciously remind myself that it’s ok to take a nap or leave the dishes or not send out cards this year. Otherwise I’ll automatically fall back into the negative pressure pattern.
3. It’s in-line with my values and allows me to achieve my goals. When I don’t put pressure on myself, I’m honoring the person I really am, which reflects my values of integrity and authenticity. When I don’t put pressure on myself, I have more energy, which I naturally apply to achieving my goals. This past week I spent lots of time exercising, organizing, and “being” with my family, and it felt natural.
If I am able to keep this resolution, I’ll not only get to live a more enjoyable life, I’ll also have a much easier time achieving ALL of those other goals on my list. So it’s enjoyable and productive at the same time! Perfect!
Your “perfect” resolution will probably be different from mine, but the steps you take to discover it can be the same:
1. Ask yourself how you lived in 2007 and what you would change?
2. Compare the times you were living the way you wanted to live with the times you weren’t. Or, compare your “good times” with your “bad times”. See if you notice any patterns.
3. Think about what parts of the patterns you control. For example, you can’t control the things that happen to you, but you might be able to control how you think about them or how you handle them.
4. Ask yourself, is there anything about how you thought about things or handled things in 2007 that worked especially well? Is this something you could increase in 2008?
5. If you did, how would your life change in 2008? Would the changes excite you? Would it be worth the heightened awareness and conscious effort it would take to make the change?
If so, you may have stumbled on your “perfect resolution”!
So far, I’m truly enjoying my resolution. The trick is to stay aware and conscious of it, even after the novelty of the New Year passes. Keep me posted on what you decide, and how it changes your life – I’d love to hear!
Copyright © January 2008, Nahid Casazza, Aspyrre,www.aspyrre.com (949) 495-1021
This year, I made the perfect New Year’s resolution. I knew it was perfect as soon as I chose it, and as a coach, I immediately wondered if there was a way to explain what I did, so others can also make “perfect” resolutions. It’s almost easier to explain what not to do, so I’ll start with that.
A perfect resolution is NOT a goal that requires more energy than you have to achieve it.
Most people pick the hardest thing they can think of, the one thing they struggle the most with: losing weight, quitting smoking, making loads of money, finding that perfect relationship or job, and make THAT their resolution. But just the thought of doing what it will take to succeed is draining. Some people muster up a whole bunch of will power and make some progress. Others peter out before they get started.
When I considered my “goals” for the year: exercising more, eating healthier, spending more time with family, getting more organized, taking my business to the next level…. just writing the list felt draining and made me want to stay “on vacation” longer.
However, when I started thinking about how I wanted to live differently in 2008, I uncovered deeper, more important things. I asked myself how I was living my life when I was organized, in tune with my family, and being the person I wanted to be, compared to how I was living my life when I was disorganized, distracted, and not as successful? I noticed a distinct pattern. On my “bad” days I was beating myself up, feeling ashamed of the things that weren’t working, and putting pressure on myself to do more and do better. The pressure drained my energy though, so I was actually doing less, and feeling worse! On my “good” days, I wasn’t paying much attention to how well I was doing, I was just doing. My mental state was more present and focused, and my emotional state was a combination of authenticity and humility.
I decided that in 2008 I want to spend more time feeling present, focused, authentic, and humble, and less time feeling pressured, anxious, ashamed, and frustrated. My “perfect” resolution was to stop the internal pressure. For me, it means that when I notice I’m not living up to whatever external standard I set for myself, to give myself the benefit of the doubt instead of allowing an inner tirade of negative self talk.
Why is this resolution perfect?
1. It doesn’t drain my energy – it excites me! Imagine living life and not feeling negative internal pressure!
2. It’s a resolution because it will require my constant attention until it becomes a habit. I have to consciously remind myself that it’s ok to take a nap or leave the dishes or not send out cards this year. Otherwise I’ll automatically fall back into the negative pressure pattern.
3. It’s in-line with my values and allows me to achieve my goals. When I don’t put pressure on myself, I’m honoring the person I really am, which reflects my values of integrity and authenticity. When I don’t put pressure on myself, I have more energy, which I naturally apply to achieving my goals. This past week I spent lots of time exercising, organizing, and “being” with my family, and it felt natural.
If I am able to keep this resolution, I’ll not only get to live a more enjoyable life, I’ll also have a much easier time achieving ALL of those other goals on my list. So it’s enjoyable and productive at the same time! Perfect!
Your “perfect” resolution will probably be different from mine, but the steps you take to discover it can be the same:
1. Ask yourself how you lived in 2007 and what you would change?
2. Compare the times you were living the way you wanted to live with the times you weren’t. Or, compare your “good times” with your “bad times”. See if you notice any patterns.
3. Think about what parts of the patterns you control. For example, you can’t control the things that happen to you, but you might be able to control how you think about them or how you handle them.
4. Ask yourself, is there anything about how you thought about things or handled things in 2007 that worked especially well? Is this something you could increase in 2008?
5. If you did, how would your life change in 2008? Would the changes excite you? Would it be worth the heightened awareness and conscious effort it would take to make the change?
If so, you may have stumbled on your “perfect resolution”!
So far, I’m truly enjoying my resolution. The trick is to stay aware and conscious of it, even after the novelty of the New Year passes. Keep me posted on what you decide, and how it changes your life – I’d love to hear!
Copyright © January 2008, Nahid Casazza, Aspyrre,
Monday, September 24, 2007
Swimming in Confusion
Confusion can be the most frustrating obstacle a person can face, because it completely stops you from moving forward. I actually believe that confusion shows up as more of a "symptom" than a core obstacle, which makes it even more confusing, because it's more difficult to get to the source!
Sometimes I have clients tell me that they are confused, and by the end of the call they feel clear, focused, and excited to take action and move forward. But then when we talk the following week, they are confused again, often about the same issue, and the commitments they made on the prior call seem insignficant or irrelevant.
My initial reaction to confusion is to look at the situation logically, by asking questions that bring the goal and the obstacles to the surface, so we can make a plan that works. However, if, after coming up with a plan, the same questions come up over and over again - it's a waste of time to look for a logical solution to the obvious question. It's time to go deeper, and find out what's "behind" the confusion.
Here are some things I've discovered behind confusion:
1. Fear of acknowledging that we really want something and we might not have what it takes to make it happen. I think this is why career-changers get tongue tied at the question, "so what are you looking for?" They don't want to say, "Well, I really want to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company," and face the "are you out of your mind?" look. So instead of saying that, they say, "well I'm open to anything that gives me experience and opportunity", and get a blank look. I think the way around this one is to accept the fact that you probably DON'T have everything it takes to get what you want, but no matter who you are, you have the same right as everyone else to reach for the stars, and chart out a path to a challenging destination. And, if you choose a direction towards what you really want, the experience you get will be relevant to what you want, and you'll be surprised at how many new opportunities will come up. And also, to avoid the judgmental looks, you can always use the word "eventually". In your mind eventually can mean a few months, but nobody else has to know that.
2. Fear that if we make the wrong decision, we'll miss out on the life we were supposed to live. Every day we miss out on something, whether we acknowledge it or not. There's only one thing we don't miss out on in any given moment, and that is that moment. Would you rather make the most of the moment you are in, or live with continuous regrets over all the imagined moments you are missing? Successful people aren't successful because they make the right decisions; they are successful because they make the most of their situations. Honestly, one life path isn't THAT different from most of the others. And there are SO many paths that lead to the same destination that it's kind of impossible to ruin your chances at anything, even after blowing a few key opportunities.
3. Fear that if we live our lives the way we really want to, we'll be a huge disappointment to those whose opinions we care about. The problem with this one is that we are so caught up in being who we think we should be that we can't see who we really are. It takes courage to let go of other people's opinions, but it IS possible, and as you do, it's amazing how much more clearly you can see yourself and know what you want.
I wrote an article on my website about confusion, and some additional ways to get yourself the clarity you need. Here's the link if you are interested: http://www.aspyrre.com/confusion01.htm
I think if there's one message I'd like to get accross today, it's how lethal confusion can be, and how important it is to find enough clarity to be effective in your life. It's not always easy to figure things out, but it's always worth the effort.
Confusion can be the most frustrating obstacle a person can face, because it completely stops you from moving forward. I actually believe that confusion shows up as more of a "symptom" than a core obstacle, which makes it even more confusing, because it's more difficult to get to the source!
Sometimes I have clients tell me that they are confused, and by the end of the call they feel clear, focused, and excited to take action and move forward. But then when we talk the following week, they are confused again, often about the same issue, and the commitments they made on the prior call seem insignficant or irrelevant.
My initial reaction to confusion is to look at the situation logically, by asking questions that bring the goal and the obstacles to the surface, so we can make a plan that works. However, if, after coming up with a plan, the same questions come up over and over again - it's a waste of time to look for a logical solution to the obvious question. It's time to go deeper, and find out what's "behind" the confusion.
Here are some things I've discovered behind confusion:
1. Fear of acknowledging that we really want something and we might not have what it takes to make it happen. I think this is why career-changers get tongue tied at the question, "so what are you looking for?" They don't want to say, "Well, I really want to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company," and face the "are you out of your mind?" look. So instead of saying that, they say, "well I'm open to anything that gives me experience and opportunity", and get a blank look. I think the way around this one is to accept the fact that you probably DON'T have everything it takes to get what you want, but no matter who you are, you have the same right as everyone else to reach for the stars, and chart out a path to a challenging destination. And, if you choose a direction towards what you really want, the experience you get will be relevant to what you want, and you'll be surprised at how many new opportunities will come up. And also, to avoid the judgmental looks, you can always use the word "eventually". In your mind eventually can mean a few months, but nobody else has to know that.
2. Fear that if we make the wrong decision, we'll miss out on the life we were supposed to live. Every day we miss out on something, whether we acknowledge it or not. There's only one thing we don't miss out on in any given moment, and that is that moment. Would you rather make the most of the moment you are in, or live with continuous regrets over all the imagined moments you are missing? Successful people aren't successful because they make the right decisions; they are successful because they make the most of their situations. Honestly, one life path isn't THAT different from most of the others. And there are SO many paths that lead to the same destination that it's kind of impossible to ruin your chances at anything, even after blowing a few key opportunities.
3. Fear that if we live our lives the way we really want to, we'll be a huge disappointment to those whose opinions we care about. The problem with this one is that we are so caught up in being who we think we should be that we can't see who we really are. It takes courage to let go of other people's opinions, but it IS possible, and as you do, it's amazing how much more clearly you can see yourself and know what you want.
I wrote an article on my website about confusion, and some additional ways to get yourself the clarity you need. Here's the link if you are interested: http://www.aspyrre.com/confusion01.htm
I think if there's one message I'd like to get accross today, it's how lethal confusion can be, and how important it is to find enough clarity to be effective in your life. It's not always easy to figure things out, but it's always worth the effort.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Everything you need exists in the world – the problem is finding it
Why do more than half of all employees stay in jobs that make them miserable? Do jobs exist that would make them feel happier, more fulfilled, more productive, and more valued? Probably. But job-hunting is such an emotionally painful experience, and even when you work hard at it, you may not get the results you are hoping for.
Why do so many business owners refrain from hiring, even when they desperately need help? Do people exist out there who want a job, have the skills, and would truly enjoy working for them? Absolutely. But the process of advertising, screening resumes, interviewing, and training, only to be frustrated with someone who isn’t working out, is often too time-consuming to be worth the effort.
Something like 90% of new businesses fail because they can’t find enough customers before they run out of cash. Usually many people exist who desperately want the product or service they offer, and would be willing to pay for it. But the time and energy it takes to find them is often way more than the new business owner has to give.
Why are there so many people in the world who feel lonely, isolated, and unloved? It’s certainly not due to a lack of people wanting more and better relationships...
And, at the risk of being extreme, the problem of starvation in this world right now has nothing to do with lack of food, and everything to do with connecting the overabundance of food to the people who really need it.
How do you find what you need?
As it turns out – that’s not even the big question. The BIG question is: what does it take to decide it’s worth trying to find what you need?
What is most scary to me about the “finding what you need” problem, is not the strategic problem of how to find; it’s the mental / emotional problem of believing that if you haven’t found it – it must not exist.
Even scarier – most people move into “it doesn’t exist” assumptions before even attempting a search. I think the logic and emotional progression goes something like this:
1. I need X, and not having it right now is painful
2. The idea of searching for X is overwhelming, and I couldn’t bear the thought of expending the energy and then not getting the results I want
3. So, X must not exist.
I’m not exactly sure how or why people make the leap from # 2 to # 3 – but they do, and I see it all the time. I think maybe we trick ourselves into believing something doesn’t exist simply because if we acknowledged that it did, then we feel obligated to do something about it.
So maybe, the first mental leap is this. Everything I need DOES exist, but sometimes I choose not to go after it. Sometimes it’s easier for me to stay where I am than to put forth the effort to change.
Being honest with yourself is amazingly powerful. Because then you can ask yourself, what makes it so hard for me to change things? And that’s where coaching comes in.
I’m launching a new program called Foundations for Change. This program is about providing you with the strategic and emotional support system you need to change. We resist change – even good changes. And we start and stop so many times it often doesn’t seem worth it to try again. But with the right foundations in place, and a support system to lean on when you get tired, frustrated, or off track, you can gather and maintain the momentum you need to get to the next level and stay there.
What are you assuming doesn’t exist for you in this world?
If you knew for sure that it exists, and that you have the ability to find it, what would that mean for you?
If you had a support system that provided you the knowledge, guidance, insight, encouragement, and accountability to go after what you want and stay on track until you get it, what difference would that make in your life right now?
Ask me about Foundations for Change – it DOES exist, and you can use it to change your life.
Copyright 2007 Nahid Casazza and Aspyrre
Why do more than half of all employees stay in jobs that make them miserable? Do jobs exist that would make them feel happier, more fulfilled, more productive, and more valued? Probably. But job-hunting is such an emotionally painful experience, and even when you work hard at it, you may not get the results you are hoping for.
Why do so many business owners refrain from hiring, even when they desperately need help? Do people exist out there who want a job, have the skills, and would truly enjoy working for them? Absolutely. But the process of advertising, screening resumes, interviewing, and training, only to be frustrated with someone who isn’t working out, is often too time-consuming to be worth the effort.
Something like 90% of new businesses fail because they can’t find enough customers before they run out of cash. Usually many people exist who desperately want the product or service they offer, and would be willing to pay for it. But the time and energy it takes to find them is often way more than the new business owner has to give.
Why are there so many people in the world who feel lonely, isolated, and unloved? It’s certainly not due to a lack of people wanting more and better relationships...
And, at the risk of being extreme, the problem of starvation in this world right now has nothing to do with lack of food, and everything to do with connecting the overabundance of food to the people who really need it.
How do you find what you need?
As it turns out – that’s not even the big question. The BIG question is: what does it take to decide it’s worth trying to find what you need?
What is most scary to me about the “finding what you need” problem, is not the strategic problem of how to find; it’s the mental / emotional problem of believing that if you haven’t found it – it must not exist.
Even scarier – most people move into “it doesn’t exist” assumptions before even attempting a search. I think the logic and emotional progression goes something like this:
1. I need X, and not having it right now is painful
2. The idea of searching for X is overwhelming, and I couldn’t bear the thought of expending the energy and then not getting the results I want
3. So, X must not exist.
I’m not exactly sure how or why people make the leap from # 2 to # 3 – but they do, and I see it all the time. I think maybe we trick ourselves into believing something doesn’t exist simply because if we acknowledged that it did, then we feel obligated to do something about it.
So maybe, the first mental leap is this. Everything I need DOES exist, but sometimes I choose not to go after it. Sometimes it’s easier for me to stay where I am than to put forth the effort to change.
Being honest with yourself is amazingly powerful. Because then you can ask yourself, what makes it so hard for me to change things? And that’s where coaching comes in.
I’m launching a new program called Foundations for Change. This program is about providing you with the strategic and emotional support system you need to change. We resist change – even good changes. And we start and stop so many times it often doesn’t seem worth it to try again. But with the right foundations in place, and a support system to lean on when you get tired, frustrated, or off track, you can gather and maintain the momentum you need to get to the next level and stay there.
What are you assuming doesn’t exist for you in this world?
If you knew for sure that it exists, and that you have the ability to find it, what would that mean for you?
If you had a support system that provided you the knowledge, guidance, insight, encouragement, and accountability to go after what you want and stay on track until you get it, what difference would that make in your life right now?
Ask me about Foundations for Change – it DOES exist, and you can use it to change your life.
Copyright 2007 Nahid Casazza and Aspyrre
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