Swimming in Confusion

Confusion can be the most frustrating obstacle a person can face, because it completely stops you from moving forward. I actually believe that confusion shows up as more of a "symptom" than a core obstacle, which makes it even more confusing, because it's more difficult to get to the source!

Sometimes I have clients tell me that they are confused, and by the end of the call they feel clear, focused, and excited to take action and move forward. But then when we talk the following week, they are confused again, often about the same issue, and the commitments they made on the prior call seem insignficant or irrelevant.

My initial reaction to confusion is to look at the situation logically, by asking questions that bring the goal and the obstacles to the surface, so we can make a plan that works. However, if, after coming up with a plan, the same questions come up over and over again - it's a waste of time to look for a logical solution to the obvious question. It's time to go deeper, and find out what's "behind" the confusion.

Here are some things I've discovered behind confusion:

1. Fear of acknowledging that we really want something and we might not have what it takes to make it happen. I think this is why career-changers get tongue tied at the question, "so what are you looking for?" They don't want to say, "Well, I really want to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company," and face the "are you out of your mind?" look. So instead of saying that, they say, "well I'm open to anything that gives me experience and opportunity", and get a blank look. I think the way around this one is to accept the fact that you probably DON'T have everything it takes to get what you want, but no matter who you are, you have the same right as everyone else to reach for the stars, and chart out a path to a challenging destination. And, if you choose a direction towards what you really want, the experience you get will be relevant to what you want, and you'll be surprised at how many new opportunities will come up. And also, to avoid the judgmental looks, you can always use the word "eventually". In your mind eventually can mean a few months, but nobody else has to know that.

2. Fear that if we make the wrong decision, we'll miss out on the life we were supposed to live. Every day we miss out on something, whether we acknowledge it or not. There's only one thing we don't miss out on in any given moment, and that is that moment. Would you rather make the most of the moment you are in, or live with continuous regrets over all the imagined moments you are missing? Successful people aren't successful because they make the right decisions; they are successful because they make the most of their situations. Honestly, one life path isn't THAT different from most of the others. And there are SO many paths that lead to the same destination that it's kind of impossible to ruin your chances at anything, even after blowing a few key opportunities.

3. Fear that if we live our lives the way we really want to, we'll be a huge disappointment to those whose opinions we care about. The problem with this one is that we are so caught up in being who we think we should be that we can't see who we really are. It takes courage to let go of other people's opinions, but it IS possible, and as you do, it's amazing how much more clearly you can see yourself and know what you want.

I wrote an article on my website about confusion, and some additional ways to get yourself the clarity you need. Here's the link if you are interested: http://www.aspyrre.com/confusion01.htm

I think if there's one message I'd like to get accross today, it's how lethal confusion can be, and how important it is to find enough clarity to be effective in your life. It's not always easy to figure things out, but it's always worth the effort.