The Difference Between Needs and Values
In some of our recent sessions I have heard participants use the words “needs” and “values” interchangeably and it occurred to me that it might be helpful to distinguish the two:
1. NEEDS are what you are currently missing and cannot feel / be completely “OK” without.
2. VALUES are what you would naturally build your life around when all your needs are met.
It is very difficult to distinguish between needs and values when you have a lot of unmet needs. Your needs will pull at you much more strongly than your values, because they are urgent and required. When you do values work during a time of a lot of unmet needs, it’s highly likely that your needs will show up as values. Once the needs are met, you may feel like your values have changed because the same words aren’t showing up as much. Typically a value that changes is actually a need that has finally been met and is no longer necessary to bring into your life because you have more than enough.
I can’t tell you for sure whether or not values evolve over time, but MY BELIEF is that your deep values never change; they are simply “uncovered” as your needs get met.
This issue is really not a problem when it comes to personal growth, because getting your needs met is a priority anyway. If you are developing a list of your core values and it turns out later that four of the values disappear and in retrospect those turned out to be needs…perfect. That means your needs are getting met and you are making room in your life for your deeper values to come to the surface and be recognized. This is why it’s important to do needs and values work periodically; I would say at least once per year, and once per quarter is great for people on a path of accelerated personal growth.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Monday, February 08, 2010
Help - I Lost my Motivation!
Motivation is never a problem for a naturally unmotivated person. It’s when you are used to achievement, accomplishment and success and suddenly you experience a lull in your motivation that things get frustrating.
If you are normally highly motivated, but suddenly notice yourself procrastinating, feeling drained, or otherwise not moving quickly enough towards your goals, here are some things to consider:
1. How clear are you about what you want to achieve? If you are confused or having doubts, this can lead to a question about whether or not the effort is worth it. The solution: Ask yourself how much effort you are willing to put forth on the next few steps without knowing if you will continue to move forward. Make sure those steps include gathering whatever information you need to clear up your initial confusion or doubts.
2. How much do you have to break out of current habits and patterns to achieve your goal? It takes a lot of energy to create new habits, which is why people don’t change very easily when they are busy or comfortable in their current routines. In this case focusing on one activity or habit at a time as a priority can help you build new patterns.
3. How will your success or failure change your relationships? Those who love us are incredibly impacted by everything we change. Even positive changes on our part can wreak havoc on their lives. For example, if you are suddenly running several miles per day to train for a marathon, you aren’t available for whatever you used to do during that time. It helps to ask the people you are close to how the changes you are making (or stressing over making) impact them. You may be surprised, but getting it on the table and talking about it will often clear up the resistance and make it easier to move forward.
4. How painful are the steps you need to take to achieve success? If you have to do something you aren’t comfortable or confident doing in order to achieve your goal, your procrastination will kick in no matter how enticing the end result is. Identify the specific tasks you are avoiding and see if you can eliminate them or break them into small, manageable steps that don’t require as much energy.
5. How much meaning have you attached to your success? As soon as achieving a particular goal grows into something that defines who you are it becomes elusive. If you have to find your passion, be in the ideal relationship, make a certain amount of money, or be a certain weight in order to be ok with yourself, then those things wont happen. The only way out of this one is separating your ego from your goal and dealing with them separately.
For more information, including workshops, articles, and tools for getting motivated, check out my website at: www.aspyrre.com.
Motivation is never a problem for a naturally unmotivated person. It’s when you are used to achievement, accomplishment and success and suddenly you experience a lull in your motivation that things get frustrating.
If you are normally highly motivated, but suddenly notice yourself procrastinating, feeling drained, or otherwise not moving quickly enough towards your goals, here are some things to consider:
1. How clear are you about what you want to achieve? If you are confused or having doubts, this can lead to a question about whether or not the effort is worth it. The solution: Ask yourself how much effort you are willing to put forth on the next few steps without knowing if you will continue to move forward. Make sure those steps include gathering whatever information you need to clear up your initial confusion or doubts.
2. How much do you have to break out of current habits and patterns to achieve your goal? It takes a lot of energy to create new habits, which is why people don’t change very easily when they are busy or comfortable in their current routines. In this case focusing on one activity or habit at a time as a priority can help you build new patterns.
3. How will your success or failure change your relationships? Those who love us are incredibly impacted by everything we change. Even positive changes on our part can wreak havoc on their lives. For example, if you are suddenly running several miles per day to train for a marathon, you aren’t available for whatever you used to do during that time. It helps to ask the people you are close to how the changes you are making (or stressing over making) impact them. You may be surprised, but getting it on the table and talking about it will often clear up the resistance and make it easier to move forward.
4. How painful are the steps you need to take to achieve success? If you have to do something you aren’t comfortable or confident doing in order to achieve your goal, your procrastination will kick in no matter how enticing the end result is. Identify the specific tasks you are avoiding and see if you can eliminate them or break them into small, manageable steps that don’t require as much energy.
5. How much meaning have you attached to your success? As soon as achieving a particular goal grows into something that defines who you are it becomes elusive. If you have to find your passion, be in the ideal relationship, make a certain amount of money, or be a certain weight in order to be ok with yourself, then those things wont happen. The only way out of this one is separating your ego from your goal and dealing with them separately.
For more information, including workshops, articles, and tools for getting motivated, check out my website at: www.aspyrre.com.
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